Monday, January 6, 2014

Fights and Arguments


Fights and arguments among siblings, classmates, and even between countries are common. They occur because someone possesses something that the other wants, the scale of the altercation depends on the prize---the very reason for their fight.

A younger child likes to join the older siblings in a play. The older sibling refuse him/her. The younger sibling turns violent-disruptive, a reaction that we, the adults, have learned to curb (I hope).

Sometimes it becomes necessary to discipline a child. It is observed that such discipline, as hated as it seems to be, is a lesson in life---We do not solve problems by hitting, at any time. I like to add no raising your voice to my short list of not hitting.


Fights and Arguments

One day four-year-old Sohan's school called his home to tell his mom that she needed to pick him up since he was hitting.

Mom went to pick up Sohan.

Sohan showed her a band aid on his forehead, "Ethan hit me on the head with a block."

Mom looked at the teacher, "What happened?"

The teacher said, "Ethan and Johnny were playing in the block center. Sohan wanted to join them. They told him to go away. He got upset and kicked down their building. Ethan hit him with a block and Sohan hit Ethan back with a block."

"Uh, oh." Mom said.

"Yes, we are so sorry." The teacher said.

"I too am sorry." Mom said.

"It happened very fast, before I could get there, the building was down and Ethan-Sohan hit each other. Ethan also went home."

Mom nodded. On the way home, she tried to reason with Sohan that hitting is bad and it hurts people.

Sohan played with his band aid.

Mom told the story to the older siblings, Sagar and Sapna. She told them to keep an eye on Sohan while she went out to a meeting with Dad.

When his eight-year-old twin sisters kept Sohan out of their game, he kicked one of the sisters and pulled the other one's hair.

Sixteen-year-old Sagar took Sohan out of the playroom and told him--- No hitting.
Sagar made Sohan sit by him without talking to him.
Sohan wanted to play with his computer, Sagar stopped him.
Sohan tried to get off the chair, Sagar stopped him.
After five minutes, Sagar told Sohan that he could play by himself without bothering his twin sisters.

At dinner time, Sohan pushed his feet against the counter, his high chair toppled and Sohan's head hit the floor. He cried for a few seconds. Then he wanted to climb on the chair again. Sagar told him that he lost his privilege of the chair.
Sagar gave him a choice, either sit on the floor to eat by Sagar or sit without eating.
Sohan chose to skip food.

Half way through Sagar's dinner, Sohan wanted to eat.
Sapna served him food and the two brothers finished their dinner on the floor.

Sapna took the twins out of the room to avoid gloating and feeling smug.

This discipline went for over a month. Every time Sohan hit, he was removed from the location. The parents and the older siblings spent considerable time to "train" the youngest one.

Over time, Sohan learned self-control and became a part of the team.

***The next five weeks I will be out of town, and will not write anything in my blog. I hope to continue upon my return. Thank you.