Hello,
I am going ahead with my blog today since I may not have time to do it over the weekend.
Last week I postponed today's blog-post, and published "Weavy...".
Here are some thoughts on the comments I received.
It delighted me to hear from you about my posts. The story about the Himalayas was going to a child's school. I wonder what happened---Did he read the story to the class? Did the teacher read it? Did they discuss how mountains come up? What, what, what....?
Another reader made a comment about choices.
I derive my answers from my teaching, observing and dealing with children---my own as well as many more; this is how I handled some situations.
I'd say that you, as an adult, have to make a choice of what is acceptable and what is not, to you, in your house, in your child's school, in your society, and in your world in general. There are rules for each segment. You can not make a choice of driving your car on the wrong side of the road. In good conscience, you make a choice of recycling to lessen the trash for the coming generations to clean. These are easy choices that a child makes from observing the adults and learning from them.
You give your child two crayons- a red one and a green one. He wants a blue crayon. Is there a blue crayon available? He likes neither. Well, he needs to make a choice, from what you have, red or green!
A child wants to eat his dessert before dinner. Do you give him a choice---What do you really want, ice cream or dinner? You, the parent, have a choice---give in to the child's demand or feed him first? I hope you choose the second one and offer him his dinner. He shoves it away, you give it back. He throws it on the floor. You pick it up and trash it, "Sorry, I had to throw away your food, we don't eat things that fall on the floor (the five second rule is a myth). You can sit at the dining table or do your home work/sulk, if you wish." The child screams for ice cream. You tell him, "It was for dessert and since you did not eat your dinner, you get no dessert. I'd be happy to share my dinner with you, would you like that?" If the child declines the dinner, you eat yours at the table, quietly and let him be at the table.
It is said that no child or an animal ever goes hungry if there is food around. I suggest, keep an extra serving of dinner handy, perhaps a slice of cheese with bread.
It's your patience against his.
After a whole day's tedious work, you have no patience for this. You'd rather give in to him and let him have ice cream. Easy, isn't it?
At that point, be an adult and ask yourself, is this a wise choice?
To continue with our crayon story, "If you don't use the green or the red crayon, you can't color. We don't have a blue one, perhaps you can find another activity."
If your child doesn't want do his homework--- he may have to stay extra at school, do more homework or he may be sent home, but you won't be home, staying outside the house is not be a good idea. Staying at a friend's house is not appreciated by the friend's parents nor by you and going alone to a mall or anywhere else is dangerous for a child....many scenarios.
So, it's your choice--- homework or no homework?
Freedom without limits is anarchy. Giving choices without being aware of the consequences is no better. The adults in a child's environment have to show the child right from wrong by examples and stories.
Adults do not make a choice for children but arm them with the knowledge of the consequences of their actions.
That's it for this week. Next week, I'll have a story about Indians---the people from India.
Meera
© 2013, Meera Desai Shah
I am going ahead with my blog today since I may not have time to do it over the weekend.
Last week I postponed today's blog-post, and published "Weavy...".
Here are some thoughts on the comments I received.
It delighted me to hear from you about my posts. The story about the Himalayas was going to a child's school. I wonder what happened---Did he read the story to the class? Did the teacher read it? Did they discuss how mountains come up? What, what, what....?
Another reader made a comment about choices.
I derive my answers from my teaching, observing and dealing with children---my own as well as many more; this is how I handled some situations.
I'd say that you, as an adult, have to make a choice of what is acceptable and what is not, to you, in your house, in your child's school, in your society, and in your world in general. There are rules for each segment. You can not make a choice of driving your car on the wrong side of the road. In good conscience, you make a choice of recycling to lessen the trash for the coming generations to clean. These are easy choices that a child makes from observing the adults and learning from them.
You give your child two crayons- a red one and a green one. He wants a blue crayon. Is there a blue crayon available? He likes neither. Well, he needs to make a choice, from what you have, red or green!
A child wants to eat his dessert before dinner. Do you give him a choice---What do you really want, ice cream or dinner? You, the parent, have a choice---give in to the child's demand or feed him first? I hope you choose the second one and offer him his dinner. He shoves it away, you give it back. He throws it on the floor. You pick it up and trash it, "Sorry, I had to throw away your food, we don't eat things that fall on the floor (the five second rule is a myth). You can sit at the dining table or do your home work/sulk, if you wish." The child screams for ice cream. You tell him, "It was for dessert and since you did not eat your dinner, you get no dessert. I'd be happy to share my dinner with you, would you like that?" If the child declines the dinner, you eat yours at the table, quietly and let him be at the table.
It is said that no child or an animal ever goes hungry if there is food around. I suggest, keep an extra serving of dinner handy, perhaps a slice of cheese with bread.
It's your patience against his.
After a whole day's tedious work, you have no patience for this. You'd rather give in to him and let him have ice cream. Easy, isn't it?
At that point, be an adult and ask yourself, is this a wise choice?
To continue with our crayon story, "If you don't use the green or the red crayon, you can't color. We don't have a blue one, perhaps you can find another activity."
If your child doesn't want do his homework--- he may have to stay extra at school, do more homework or he may be sent home, but you won't be home, staying outside the house is not be a good idea. Staying at a friend's house is not appreciated by the friend's parents nor by you and going alone to a mall or anywhere else is dangerous for a child....many scenarios.
So, it's your choice--- homework or no homework?
Freedom without limits is anarchy. Giving choices without being aware of the consequences is no better. The adults in a child's environment have to show the child right from wrong by examples and stories.
Adults do not make a choice for children but arm them with the knowledge of the consequences of their actions.
That's it for this week. Next week, I'll have a story about Indians---the people from India.
Meera
© 2013, Meera Desai Shah
The ice cream/dinner story hits a little too close to home. We routinely make multiple dinners after the first choice is rejected. If I didn't know better, I would think my kids are testing me to see often they can eat microwave macaroni & cheese.
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